The Gift I Really Want (You Probably Do Too)

I've spent considerable time thinking about exactly what to get my family members so that they will be entirely pleased on Christmas morning and in the process I've done quite a bit of thinking about what would please me most on Christmas morning.  Fortunately, for anyone reading this who might be shopping for me, what I really want doesn't cost a lot of money and isn't necessarily a material gift though it could translate into that on occasion.

The gift I really want is to be acknowledged, to be seen, to be noticed.

When I find myself in one of those moods and bemoan my adult life, motherhood in particular, no matter the impetus of the discussion all roads seem to lead back to this -- I sometimes feel invisible.

My very first post on this blog speaks to this feeling.  I included the thought "I AM a competent, capable, worth engaging in conversation adult." Many of the actions of motherhood are completed over and over again with little acknowledgement, accolade or thanks.  The dishes that were washed and put away today will be dirty again tomorrow.  The clothes must be washed so that there are warm things to wear to school and work.  Meals are planned for, shopped for and prepared because everyone has to eat.  All in all, most of what I do on a daily basis falls into the category of "things that must be done" and because my husband works outside the home, the responsibility for their completion rests on my shoulders.

So what is it that I want?

I want a new spatula to replace my favorite one that broke because someone noticed when it happened.
I want my child's teacher to send me a note saying "I know you've been working hard with your child and while there is still work to be done, I've seen improvement and I appreciate your effort."
I want someone to ask me what book I've been reading and what I plan to read next.
I want a text saying "I saw this today and it made me think of you."
I want a new charm for my charm bracelet in conjunction with an occasion to wear it.
I want to be asked my opinion on a matter of non-trivial importance and be listened to without distraction.

Some of these things are material, some are action based and some just require looking at me, Courtney The Person [NOT Courtney The Mom, Courtney the Wife, Courtney The Errand Runner] and seeing me!

*** As I read and re-read this post, prior to publishing I felt like I should add the following disclaimer: I'm not so good at doing these things either!  I am horrible at thanking my husband for working hard to provide for our family because I mentally chalk his effort up to "well, he gets to go to work and people appreciate him there and he gets promotions and raises to prove it."  He is quite good about always complementing me on the meals I prepare and thanking me for the effort I expend on the household.

 

The notion of invisibility in adult life I think sometimes stems from the fact that, for better or worse, it is easier to categorize someone based on an observable characteristic be it race, gender, age or parental status and interact with them based on that known characteristic.  I'm often so caught up in my own expectations of what I should or feel like I have to do that I forget that to be noticed I have to be willing to be vulnerable, open and accessible; I have to be willing to be more than my category or stereotype -- all things that I am pondering as 2017 dawns.***