My 2017 Intention: STRETCH

 The intention I've chosen for this year is STRETCH.  

This year I want to stretch myself and my horizons.  I'm not exactly sure what this is going to look like day-to-day (ah, the beauty of an intention vs. resolution) but some things I've considered are:

• reading books outside of my normal easy reading, fiction genre
• trying new recipes
• being more open and vulnerable with those I love
• allowing myself more grace and personal empathy to set realistic expectations and to fail
• giving my kids more independence in making and executing their own decisions

One thing that I've come to think about with regard to STRETCH is that, inherent in stretching, is returning to the beginning point.  You can't hold a stretch continuously.  Rather, in order to grow and become more "flexible" it is necessary to relax the stretch and return to your starting point, hopefully incrementally different from your true zero point but still balanced and grounded and ready to reach out again.

I'm ready to reach out!

The Gift I Really Want (You Probably Do Too)

I've spent considerable time thinking about exactly what to get my family members so that they will be entirely pleased on Christmas morning and in the process I've done quite a bit of thinking about what would please me most on Christmas morning.  Fortunately, for anyone reading this who might be shopping for me, what I really want doesn't cost a lot of money and isn't necessarily a material gift though it could translate into that on occasion.

The gift I really want is to be acknowledged, to be seen, to be noticed.

When I find myself in one of those moods and bemoan my adult life, motherhood in particular, no matter the impetus of the discussion all roads seem to lead back to this -- I sometimes feel invisible.

My very first post on this blog speaks to this feeling.  I included the thought "I AM a competent, capable, worth engaging in conversation adult." Many of the actions of motherhood are completed over and over again with little acknowledgement, accolade or thanks.  The dishes that were washed and put away today will be dirty again tomorrow.  The clothes must be washed so that there are warm things to wear to school and work.  Meals are planned for, shopped for and prepared because everyone has to eat.  All in all, most of what I do on a daily basis falls into the category of "things that must be done" and because my husband works outside the home, the responsibility for their completion rests on my shoulders.

So what is it that I want?

I want a new spatula to replace my favorite one that broke because someone noticed when it happened.
I want my child's teacher to send me a note saying "I know you've been working hard with your child and while there is still work to be done, I've seen improvement and I appreciate your effort."
I want someone to ask me what book I've been reading and what I plan to read next.
I want a text saying "I saw this today and it made me think of you."
I want a new charm for my charm bracelet in conjunction with an occasion to wear it.
I want to be asked my opinion on a matter of non-trivial importance and be listened to without distraction.

Some of these things are material, some are action based and some just require looking at me, Courtney The Person [NOT Courtney The Mom, Courtney the Wife, Courtney The Errand Runner] and seeing me!

*** As I read and re-read this post, prior to publishing I felt like I should add the following disclaimer: I'm not so good at doing these things either!  I am horrible at thanking my husband for working hard to provide for our family because I mentally chalk his effort up to "well, he gets to go to work and people appreciate him there and he gets promotions and raises to prove it."  He is quite good about always complementing me on the meals I prepare and thanking me for the effort I expend on the household.

 

The notion of invisibility in adult life I think sometimes stems from the fact that, for better or worse, it is easier to categorize someone based on an observable characteristic be it race, gender, age or parental status and interact with them based on that known characteristic.  I'm often so caught up in my own expectations of what I should or feel like I have to do that I forget that to be noticed I have to be willing to be vulnerable, open and accessible; I have to be willing to be more than my category or stereotype -- all things that I am pondering as 2017 dawns.***

I made frozen pizza for dinner and nobody died!

Last night my menu plan said stir-fry vegetables with brown rice.  Instead I served frozen cheese pizza, pineapple chunks, cucumber slices and baby tomatoes.

Frozen pizza for the win!

As I sit to write this, I can think of quite a few rationalizations and justifications for the pizza dinner
- I'm 6.5 months pregnant and didn't feel like cooking
- I was tired
- Hubby is away on a work trip
- I had pizza on the menu plan for later in the week so moving meals around is "allowed"
- It was Monday and we had just had guests over the weekend
- My three kids and I were playing a rousing game of 'kick the soccer ball around' and it was already getting dark and I didn't want to shorten the fun by having to go cook

But here's the long and short explanation -- I fed my kids dinner and they ate it.

It doesn't matter what it was or whether or not it included a rainbow of fruits and vegetables, what matters is that I did my job of preparing and serving a meal to my family.

Last night was a win for me in the constant and continuous mom battle of living up to my own high expectations.  Tonight I may stick to my menu plan and serve a well-plated "at least two vegetables and a protein" meal but I'm going to try to gauge my success by the question Was my family fed and satisfied? instead of Was this meal pinterest worthy?

Keep up the good fight moms and keep pizza in the freezer!

Going Unplugged

Today was a good day.  My husband had the day off from work so I was able to run outside, in the morning, on a weekday!  [It should be noted, my outside running is usually limited to weekends with weekday workouts happening at the gym after BigBro and BigSis get on the bus.]

The air was perfectly cool and crisp and most of the trees had started to show their colors -- all in all, an idyllic fall morning.  Instead of lacing up and cranking up some of my favorite jams, I decided to take this run unplugged -- no music, no GPS.  At first, it was rather bothersome to only have my own thoughts, my breathing and my footfalls to listen to but after settling into my pace I began to take stock of my situation. 

Mindfulness is a buzz word nowadays and I've been intrigued enough to do some reading up on it.  The biggest factor in being mindful is not necessarily being in a zen-like state all the time but really focusing on being present in whatever it is that you are doing.  When you have distracting thoughts, you acknowledge them but don't dwell on them.  You focus your brain on your breath, a mantra, your body and how it feels -- things that integrate seamlessly with running.

I'll admit, large chunks of my run were occupied by the song "Sunshine in my Pocket" that was stuck in my head but when I used my lack of electronics to focus in on how I was feeling and the status of my run I began to notice little things.  I noticed how my left hip tightened up as I ran uphill.  I took care to control my breathing on a particularly tough part of my route.  I felt the slight sting of the cooler air on my legs as I cruised downhill.  I took in the kaleidoscope of colors that the trees painted across the sky and left scattered on the sidewalk.  Essentially, I was an active participant in the environment and mechanics of my run instead of being an observer.

I haven't truly tried being mindful during a treadmill run as I imagine that to be much more difficult but I'd encourage you to take some time each day to "unplug" in whatever way you can but especially during your next run!

Living the Dream?

Are you living the dream?

The phrase seems to get thrown around as if real life can be everything we've dreamed of but I'll be honest, I'm not living the dream nor do I think I ever will.  Something in adulthood, motherhood in particular, has given me the sense that we need to live our own reality, working toward our goals not our dreams.

My reality is different today than it was 5 years, 1 year, even 1 week ago. I've found that while I do have goals and aspirations its important to not confuse those with dreams. I can take active steps in my day to day life to slowly and persistently work toward achieving my goals. I can work on transforming myself into more of the person I aspire to be. But the things that I classify as dreams, the things that occasionally cause me to pause and sigh longingly -- If I focus on them instead of my current life I miss out and I start to feel bad or downtrodden. 

Much like social media can distort our perceptions of reality, letting ourselves dwell on these, often unrealistic, dreams can steal away the joy we might experience if we instead focused on our reality.

     I dream of having an immaculate house but clean and livable where kids help put away laundry and board games are strewn about will have to do.

     I dream of being able to pack up and travel with minimal planning but relish instead taking staycations and exploring the area we live in.

     I dream of being able to sleep-in, drink my coffee extra-hot and sit quietly in my PJs and read a book on Saturday morning but grocery shopping alone is now my guilty pleasure.

     I dream of running a half-marathon and marathon PR but for now I run slow and steady and admire the fall foliage that I would miss if I only focused on my pace.

Don't get me wrong, I can't let the kids trash the house because it's still my job to teach them responsibility and stewardship but I have to, as hard as it is, let go of my own crazy standards. I have to focus on living my ideals and values (patience, courage, responsibility, kindness) and let those translate into material gains.

Have goals, have aspirations, work toward them with persistence and dedication but leave the dreaming to nighttime and wake up ready to be present in your day!