My 2017 Intention: STRETCH

 The intention I've chosen for this year is STRETCH.  

This year I want to stretch myself and my horizons.  I'm not exactly sure what this is going to look like day-to-day (ah, the beauty of an intention vs. resolution) but some things I've considered are:

• reading books outside of my normal easy reading, fiction genre
• trying new recipes
• being more open and vulnerable with those I love
• allowing myself more grace and personal empathy to set realistic expectations and to fail
• giving my kids more independence in making and executing their own decisions

One thing that I've come to think about with regard to STRETCH is that, inherent in stretching, is returning to the beginning point.  You can't hold a stretch continuously.  Rather, in order to grow and become more "flexible" it is necessary to relax the stretch and return to your starting point, hopefully incrementally different from your true zero point but still balanced and grounded and ready to reach out again.

I'm ready to reach out!

Starting 2017: Resolutions or Intentions

​The dawn of a new year. Welcome to 2017. Did 2016 go entirely too fast or entirely too slow for you?

For me, I'm ready for 2017. 2016 wasn't a horrible year by any means but I'm ready for the perceptible "clean slate" that comes with the turn of the calendar page.

This time of year, folks are apt to be discussing New Year's Resolutions and I'm no exception but I want to present a different way of thinking about them. A yogi friend of mine recently posted a, new to me, idea that I love. Instead of making a resolution or resolutions for the year why not give ourselves permission for grace and balance and instead start the year off with an INTENTION.

Think of it this way, I could resolve to read 2 books a month, workout at least 3 days per week, praise my husband daily and not yell at my kids and while measurable and theoretically attainable (like good goals/resolutions should be) they offer me no grace, no wiggle room.

Instead, what if I start the year off with the intention of LOVE. Each day I can breath in and think of how I can love - myself, my family, my community. For me loving self might involve reading books and working out but if I focus on the self-love aspect of those activities instead of the numerical benchmarks I'm more likely to find the joy they generate for me instead of the necessity of getting them done. As the year progresses, the love I need to show my kids may change from "less yelling" to "more independent activities" or "more hugs".

An intention gives me the flexibility to adapt to life as it presents itself while still focusing on a theme for the year. 

The Gift I Really Want (You Probably Do Too)

I've spent considerable time thinking about exactly what to get my family members so that they will be entirely pleased on Christmas morning and in the process I've done quite a bit of thinking about what would please me most on Christmas morning.  Fortunately, for anyone reading this who might be shopping for me, what I really want doesn't cost a lot of money and isn't necessarily a material gift though it could translate into that on occasion.

The gift I really want is to be acknowledged, to be seen, to be noticed.

When I find myself in one of those moods and bemoan my adult life, motherhood in particular, no matter the impetus of the discussion all roads seem to lead back to this -- I sometimes feel invisible.

My very first post on this blog speaks to this feeling.  I included the thought "I AM a competent, capable, worth engaging in conversation adult." Many of the actions of motherhood are completed over and over again with little acknowledgement, accolade or thanks.  The dishes that were washed and put away today will be dirty again tomorrow.  The clothes must be washed so that there are warm things to wear to school and work.  Meals are planned for, shopped for and prepared because everyone has to eat.  All in all, most of what I do on a daily basis falls into the category of "things that must be done" and because my husband works outside the home, the responsibility for their completion rests on my shoulders.

So what is it that I want?

I want a new spatula to replace my favorite one that broke because someone noticed when it happened.
I want my child's teacher to send me a note saying "I know you've been working hard with your child and while there is still work to be done, I've seen improvement and I appreciate your effort."
I want someone to ask me what book I've been reading and what I plan to read next.
I want a text saying "I saw this today and it made me think of you."
I want a new charm for my charm bracelet in conjunction with an occasion to wear it.
I want to be asked my opinion on a matter of non-trivial importance and be listened to without distraction.

Some of these things are material, some are action based and some just require looking at me, Courtney The Person [NOT Courtney The Mom, Courtney the Wife, Courtney The Errand Runner] and seeing me!

*** As I read and re-read this post, prior to publishing I felt like I should add the following disclaimer: I'm not so good at doing these things either!  I am horrible at thanking my husband for working hard to provide for our family because I mentally chalk his effort up to "well, he gets to go to work and people appreciate him there and he gets promotions and raises to prove it."  He is quite good about always complementing me on the meals I prepare and thanking me for the effort I expend on the household.

 

The notion of invisibility in adult life I think sometimes stems from the fact that, for better or worse, it is easier to categorize someone based on an observable characteristic be it race, gender, age or parental status and interact with them based on that known characteristic.  I'm often so caught up in my own expectations of what I should or feel like I have to do that I forget that to be noticed I have to be willing to be vulnerable, open and accessible; I have to be willing to be more than my category or stereotype -- all things that I am pondering as 2017 dawns.***

Thank YOU

It's Thanksgiving Day 2016 and this will be my 20th post.  Today, I have no words of wit or wisdom to share.  I only wish to say

Thank you for being my friends and liking, commenting and following my posts.  Thank you for joining with me and walking beside me as I work to find my voice and share my thoughts and ideas. 

I hope you have an enjoyable Thanksgiving holiday with good food and good company!

Living the Dream?

Are you living the dream?

The phrase seems to get thrown around as if real life can be everything we've dreamed of but I'll be honest, I'm not living the dream nor do I think I ever will.  Something in adulthood, motherhood in particular, has given me the sense that we need to live our own reality, working toward our goals not our dreams.

My reality is different today than it was 5 years, 1 year, even 1 week ago. I've found that while I do have goals and aspirations its important to not confuse those with dreams. I can take active steps in my day to day life to slowly and persistently work toward achieving my goals. I can work on transforming myself into more of the person I aspire to be. But the things that I classify as dreams, the things that occasionally cause me to pause and sigh longingly -- If I focus on them instead of my current life I miss out and I start to feel bad or downtrodden. 

Much like social media can distort our perceptions of reality, letting ourselves dwell on these, often unrealistic, dreams can steal away the joy we might experience if we instead focused on our reality.

     I dream of having an immaculate house but clean and livable where kids help put away laundry and board games are strewn about will have to do.

     I dream of being able to pack up and travel with minimal planning but relish instead taking staycations and exploring the area we live in.

     I dream of being able to sleep-in, drink my coffee extra-hot and sit quietly in my PJs and read a book on Saturday morning but grocery shopping alone is now my guilty pleasure.

     I dream of running a half-marathon and marathon PR but for now I run slow and steady and admire the fall foliage that I would miss if I only focused on my pace.

Don't get me wrong, I can't let the kids trash the house because it's still my job to teach them responsibility and stewardship but I have to, as hard as it is, let go of my own crazy standards. I have to focus on living my ideals and values (patience, courage, responsibility, kindness) and let those translate into material gains.

Have goals, have aspirations, work toward them with persistence and dedication but leave the dreaming to nighttime and wake up ready to be present in your day!

One Foot in Front of The Other

I'm not going to lie, this is tough for me but very exciting in the same instant.  I've decided to start a blog -- if you're reading these words then you've found my very first post.  If you glance to the right you'll see the "About Me" box and see my smiling face.  I'm a mid-thirties mom of 3 living in  Northern Virginia.

Adulting is hard and lately I've found it getting harder.  Maybe my standards have changed, maybe I've changed and quite possibly life just evolves like this but keeping up with what I consider my daily "must-do's" in order to have time for my "want to do's" all while feeling like I'm a competent, capable, worth engaging in conversation adult has been a struggle.

That's where this blog comes in because I AM a competent, capable, worth engaging in conversation adult and so are YOU!  I've decided that one of my most important MUST-DO's is going to be using my personal voice and not just treading water but swimming in this sea of life.  My hope is to reach into the giant black hole of cyberspace and share part of me with you.  I think about things beyond where the missing socks are and what's for dinner and I have ideas about life, the world and being a wife/mother/woman in today's world.

I hope you'll join me as I share :-)
~Courtney