Plyometrics: Explosive Jumping and Expletives

You've got to hand it to good ole Merriam-Webster for making plyometrics sound benign.

Definition of plyometrics

1. :  exercise involving repeated rapid stretching and contracting of muscles (as by jumping and rebounding) to increase muscle power

When in reality I think the secondary definition for plyometrics should be something like this

 2. : exercises where the individual is convinced to jump up and down resulting in a series of expletive laden exclamations and possible urinary leakage

Let's be real, I know plyometrics build strength and get my heart rate up quickly but I wish the schedule of classes at the gym would have an asterisk or something for those classes that involve lots of jumping. *note: wear a panty liner and come with an empty bladder*

My usual gym routine involves some sort of cardio equipment (read: treadmill) and then weights and stretching but I do like to mix it up with a solid hour of Body Pump or a Pilates class on occasion.
Last week, I gave a class called Hard Drive a try.  I should have known the use of the two-riser bench would mean plyos but I naively played along; after all, I was already in the room and by that point didn't feel like running on the treadmill.

The warm-up was a nice series of running in place, some step-ups and jumping jacks.  Nothing to be concerned about.  But then...the first round of an apparent ladder designed by the instructor to make me swear.  Burpees off the bench, jump and turn on the bench oh, and X-jacks off the bench -- seriously lady, there may be two gentlemen in the class but there is a good chance that at least 50% of the rest of us have gone through childbirth at some point and those things are just not nice!  Needless to say, I made it through the workout by pretty much doing a perpetual kegel and swearing between breathless gasps.

At least I didn't have to sneeze... ;)

Are we done yet?!?